Childrens entertainer in sussex

Why did the pirate cross the sea?
To get to the other tide!

...and why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop!

Why are pirates called "pirates" ?
Because they AAAAAARR!

Where did the pirate keep his boat?
In the HARRRrrrrbor

What is a pirate's favorite TV show?
Eeeee Aaarrrh!

How do you spell Pirate?
P.I.ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.A.T.E!

What do you call a shaking pirate ship at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck!!!!

How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A buck-an-ear!

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot?"
A carrot

Two parrots on a perch one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish?"

Why did Captain Hook wear a patch?
Because a bird pooed in his eye. (Think about it!)

A pirate takes off his hat, and on top of his head, there is a bar of candy. "What's that?" asks his shipmate.
"Aaaar! therre's a Bounty on me head!"

Q. Where do pirates like to eat?
A. At a BARRRRbecue!

Q. Why are pirates so mean?
A. I don't know, they just ARRRRe!

Q. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?
A. An arm and a leg!

Q. Why didn't the pirate get hungry on the desert island?
A. Because of all the sand which is there!

Q. Why do pirates carry a bar of soap?
A. So, if they are shipwrecked they can wash themselves to shore!

Q. What do you get when you cross a pie and a rat?
A. A Pie Rat!

Q. Why did the pirate's phone go beep, beep, beep?
A. Because he left it off the hook!

Q. What's a pirates favorite color?
A. Depends on the pirate!

What do you get when you cross a pirate swordsman with a bottle of orange juice?
A squashbuckler!

Where can you find a pirate's bathroom?
The poop deck!

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering!

What do Pirate's use to blow their noses?
Anchor-chiefs!

What do Sea Monsters love to eat?
Fish and Ships!

What are a Pirate's favorite letters of the alphabet?
Aye and Arrrr!

Two pirate ships were crossing the ocean, one with a booty of red paint and one with a booty of blue paint.
What happened when the ships collided?
They were marooned!

Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where you left him!

How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?
An arm and a leg!

What do you get when you cross a pirate with Santa Claus?
Yo ho ho ho!

When the pirates noticed that their skin was rough, they blamed the corsair.Harrrrr!

How did the pirate raise his mast?He used a wench!

Whats a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?
Da-Balloons!

Why is there a 'D' in 'bandana'?If there wasn't, us pirates would be wearing bananas!